There was flurry of coverage recently in various news outlets across the globe of the discovery of fossils of a prehistoric relative of the boa constrictor, the giant "Titanoboa". The behemoth could reach 45 feet in length, and weigh over a ton. Sweet.
This discovery reminded me that I have yet to write what is perhaps the most important post I will ever craft in this space: My Top 5 Monster Movies! I love monsters and monster movies. I'm talking about gigantic monsters, not your human-sized vampires and werewolves and such (n.b. When did werewolves become "lycans"? When I hear "lycan", I think about moss.). I can't really explain why. Perhaps it's due to my fascination with nature. Monsters represent the extremes of nature - evolution and biology pushed to the edge. They are terrible (although sometimes misunderstood) and dangerous and so damn cool.
And they are unique. True monsters are one-of-a-kind in the movies (or at least very-few-of-a-kind, for reproductive/sequel purposes), although in the real world we get entire populations of monster-like species. My favorite is probably the saltwater crocodile, a species I encountered once or twice during my years in Australia. Crocodiles are also the subject of one of the most original and insightful natural history books I have ever read: Alistair Graham's Eyelids of Morning: The Mingled Destinies of Crocodile and Men, which not only has the greatest subtitle in the history of subtitles, but is also peppered with mind-blowing photos by Peter Beard, the photographer who accompanied Graham on the expedition that forms the basis for the book. It can be hard to find, but check it out if you can find it.
Anyway, I'm slipping into nerdy scientist mode when I'm supposed to be in geeky monster-loving mode. So, without further adieu, the list...
Honorable mention: Jurassic Park (1993) - Science, thrills and dinosaurs: What more could you ask for?
Honorable mention: Gamera (1965) - Like Romancing the Stone, it's a shameless rip-off a wildly successful movie, but a rip-off that works nonetheless.
Honorable mention: Gamera (1965) - Like Romancing the Stone, it's a shameless rip-off a wildly successful movie, but a rip-off that works nonetheless.
#5 Cloverfield (2008)
It only came out last year, and I wasn't expecting to like it. I HATED The Blair Witch Project, not so much because of the jerky hand-held camera style, but rather because nothing really happened. Very much not the case here. If you can accept the fact that these people kept filming while things were trying to kill them, I thought this movie did a great job of keeping up the action and suspense, and especially at incrementally showing us the beast. Given the format, we never learn exactly what it is and how it got here, and I was OK with that. This movie was about flight and survival...or not.
It only came out last year, and I wasn't expecting to like it. I HATED The Blair Witch Project, not so much because of the jerky hand-held camera style, but rather because nothing really happened. Very much not the case here. If you can accept the fact that these people kept filming while things were trying to kill them, I thought this movie did a great job of keeping up the action and suspense, and especially at incrementally showing us the beast. Given the format, we never learn exactly what it is and how it got here, and I was OK with that. This movie was about flight and survival...or not.
#4a King Kong (1933)
#4b King Kong (2005)
I can't pick one, so I'm including both. The original is, well, the original. It was way ahead of its time, and more than 70 years later provided sufficient inspiration for a genius like Peter Jackson to put his own spin on it, with the benefit of modern technology. Unlike the decent but not list-worthy 1976 re-make, Jackson stuck to the original story and time period, but took Skull Island and its inhabitants to a whole new level with the special effects tools at his disposal. The Kong vs T. rex X 3 battle might be the best action scene I've ever seen in a movie. Jackson's version goes on a bit too long before we see the big ape, but the original portrays Carl Denham as too much of a hero and not enough as a scumbag. So neither is perfect, but both are great.
#4b King Kong (2005)
I can't pick one, so I'm including both. The original is, well, the original. It was way ahead of its time, and more than 70 years later provided sufficient inspiration for a genius like Peter Jackson to put his own spin on it, with the benefit of modern technology. Unlike the decent but not list-worthy 1976 re-make, Jackson stuck to the original story and time period, but took Skull Island and its inhabitants to a whole new level with the special effects tools at his disposal. The Kong vs T. rex X 3 battle might be the best action scene I've ever seen in a movie. Jackson's version goes on a bit too long before we see the big ape, but the original portrays Carl Denham as too much of a hero and not enough as a scumbag. So neither is perfect, but both are great.
#3a Anaconda (1997)
#3b Lake Placid (1999)
The late 1990's gave us a magnificent trinity of animals-gone-awry movies with these two gems as well as Deep Blue Sea (1999). Unfortunately, the latter does not qualify for this list because the sharks weren't abnormally large, only abnormally smart. But a big-ass snake and a big-ass crocodile are good enough. I can't separate these two. In my experience, there is probably a slight edge in popularity to LP, but I'm not ready to pick one over the other. Both are loaded with witty tongue-in-cheek performances by ensemble casts of great B-list actors. Both mock themselves and have fun doing it. And both feature great big scary animals. Three out of three ain't bad.
#3b Lake Placid (1999)
The late 1990's gave us a magnificent trinity of animals-gone-awry movies with these two gems as well as Deep Blue Sea (1999). Unfortunately, the latter does not qualify for this list because the sharks weren't abnormally large, only abnormally smart. But a big-ass snake and a big-ass crocodile are good enough. I can't separate these two. In my experience, there is probably a slight edge in popularity to LP, but I'm not ready to pick one over the other. Both are loaded with witty tongue-in-cheek performances by ensemble casts of great B-list actors. Both mock themselves and have fun doing it. And both feature great big scary animals. Three out of three ain't bad.
#2 Jaws (1975)
I am so close to making this #1 I can taste it. A classic movie in every way, with a maritime theme to boot. The characters are unique and brilliantly acted. The dialogue and relationships that develop among Brody, Quint and Hooper are superb: at times witty, touching, macho or acerbic. The movie actually begins as more of a horror movie than a monster movie, since at first we don't see much of the shark, only the bloody remnants of its carnage as it lurks invisible in the depths. But by the end we see the big fella in all his glory, and he is a magnificent beast. Ultimately, he is no longer simply hunting as he had been for most of the movie, but going to battle against his human foes. He attacks not for food but for victory, and does so with an almost boyish delight (yes, I can read emotion in the face of a 30-foot mechanical shark). I never tire of watching this movie.
I am so close to making this #1 I can taste it. A classic movie in every way, with a maritime theme to boot. The characters are unique and brilliantly acted. The dialogue and relationships that develop among Brody, Quint and Hooper are superb: at times witty, touching, macho or acerbic. The movie actually begins as more of a horror movie than a monster movie, since at first we don't see much of the shark, only the bloody remnants of its carnage as it lurks invisible in the depths. But by the end we see the big fella in all his glory, and he is a magnificent beast. Ultimately, he is no longer simply hunting as he had been for most of the movie, but going to battle against his human foes. He attacks not for food but for victory, and does so with an almost boyish delight (yes, I can read emotion in the face of a 30-foot mechanical shark). I never tire of watching this movie.
#1 Godzilla versus Megalon (1973)
How could the top spot go to anyone but the King of the Monsters??? I love Godzilla. I mean, alot. I have a weird boy crush on him. I wish he was real and that he was my friend. I could deal with him smashing a few buildings around my neighborhood so we could hang out together. There are many Godzilla movies I could have put in this spot (although NOT any of the movies made after the 1970s - garbage; but check out this collection of Godzilla's co-stars, and other movie monsters - cool collage), but it was never going to be any one other than GvM. It was made the year I was born, and when it made it to the States a few years later and dad took me to see it, it became the first movie I ever saw in a theater, just beating out Star Wars. When I Googled it, I found this fantastic page on the movie, which was also the author's first cinematic experience. Godzilla is the good guy in this one (he bounces back and forth from movie to movie), teaming up with the robot Jet Jaguar (a character that apparently was created by an elementary school boy in a contest, according to the IMDB page) to defeat the beetle-like Megalon and his partner-in-crime Gigan. It's not on DVD yet, but it should be if there's any justice in the world.
How could the top spot go to anyone but the King of the Monsters??? I love Godzilla. I mean, alot. I have a weird boy crush on him. I wish he was real and that he was my friend. I could deal with him smashing a few buildings around my neighborhood so we could hang out together. There are many Godzilla movies I could have put in this spot (although NOT any of the movies made after the 1970s - garbage; but check out this collection of Godzilla's co-stars, and other movie monsters - cool collage), but it was never going to be any one other than GvM. It was made the year I was born, and when it made it to the States a few years later and dad took me to see it, it became the first movie I ever saw in a theater, just beating out Star Wars. When I Googled it, I found this fantastic page on the movie, which was also the author's first cinematic experience. Godzilla is the good guy in this one (he bounces back and forth from movie to movie), teaming up with the robot Jet Jaguar (a character that apparently was created by an elementary school boy in a contest, according to the IMDB page) to defeat the beetle-like Megalon and his partner-in-crime Gigan. It's not on DVD yet, but it should be if there's any justice in the world.
So there you have it: My Top 5 list, in which I managed to squeeze 7 (or 9 if you count the HMs). See them all. And stay tuned for my next post on the Stimulus Package! Woo hoo!!!
